Change....

So I know that it has been a while and apologize for that. but tonight has hit me and hit me hard. I came down here to improve and experience stuff when really all i have done was change who i am. And not in a good way and some girl that i have just met a few nights ago has kind of opened my eyes to this. I didnt improve myself yet i havent even found myself yet. I will fix this and will get better at being who i really am. I dont need to be who i have been the past few weeks I didnt come here to make people think that i am a wreck that i am not responsible and what not. but i think thats what i ended up doing by showing a little bit of a fake Brett and I am sad to say this cause its breaking my heart even thinking that i would walk away from who i really am. i got this i will fix this. I may have scared this girl away because of me drinking the past few days yes its drinking related. i dont know how to fix it but i want to. i do not want people to think less of me because of alcohol related stuff. I am better than that i am way better than that. I didnt let her down, i didnt let my family down, I let myself down because i came to improve myself and all i am doing is hurting myself and i dont know how to control what i am doing. I am not saying i dont know how to control my drinking cause thats not my problem my problem is just letting myself over do it sometimes and now i feel really bad..... But i promise to myself ill be better whether ill ever have a chance at even being friends with her idk but if not i guess ill better myself for later on.


take it easy guys

Week 1 after Training

I have been off of training for about a week now. I am sure I have loads to learn still I have learned so much this week after training even I am having a good time at it though. These hours are brutal sometimes I just dont like working 10 to 11 hour shifts that kind of sucks, but for the most part i like it a lot here. There is so much i could do better and am working on to do better.

They have put me with a new roommate and he seems to be a lot cooler and a lot more fun then the last one. the last one was nice i guess but just kind of weird he was a lot older and i just didnt feel right beinghere trying to hang out with a roommate that is so much older  than me lol. but this one seems to be way better and hope that it keeps to be that way so far we are getting a long just fine.

until next time guys take it easy